having recently re-activated my eharmony account, i've been connecting with several potential soulmates for the past 2 weeks and have gone out on 3 dates since a completely catastrophic breakup. in hindsight, this breakup is a fucking wonderful thing, because really, who wants to marry an uneducated, peter pan syndrome, valium-addicted, alcoholic oilfield worker on a 5/5 rotation? not me :) i was blinded by the dream and the $30k cash he brought in on a monthly basis. anyway.
as i was saying, hindsight is a beautiful thing and after a short 1-week grieving period, i'm back on the market, with a few more deal-breakers on my eharmony profile, and some expanded criterion. including: residency in houston, preferably inside loop 610; college degree, no casual drug use, no antidepressants, no viagra required, no (over)eating disorders, no more than 5 hours per week spent playing modern warfare, sobriety at least 4 nights per week, good dental hygiene, proper-ish grammar, no smoking (anything), strip club only once a quarter, must be gadget-savvy and able to fix things around the house, must be able to deal with hostile arab revolutionaries, so i don't have to. preferably 6 feet or taller.
Beulah, The dream is so much dreamier when he has these prerequisites under his belt, don'tcha think? :)
while the above list may seem slightly ludicrous, i still believe there are sober, kind, generous, non-erectile-dysfunctioning, gainfully-employed men between the ages of 30 and 40 in houston, that eharmony will throw into my inbox on a daily basis. so far, there's about 5 good prospects.
so last night i went out on my second eharmony date of the week and, surprise of all surprises, he was tall, gainfully employed, not a drug user, and pulled out my chair for me. imagine that. hamdulilah, we ended up chattering away over dinner and wine for 3 glorious hours, after which i left feeling a little bit more respect for myself and a whole lot more hope for humanity.
ironically, i woke up at 1am with the shakes and sweats and unfortunately had to rush to the toilet and vomit up every trace of the meal we enjoyed together last night.
That is totally ironic and par for the course these days....think of it as "out with the old and in with the
new."
this evening, he was in my neighborhood and asked me if i wanted to go get a drink. ding ding ding! no, i don't want to drink, but would you like to go on a walk with me and my dog? so we walked and talked for an hour, awkwardly and soberly. it should be noted, he insisted on my walking on the inside of the sidewalk, as these wild city streets are dangerous and unpredictable.
Chivalry certainly is not dead...... not yet atleast! Next time he offers to walk your dog with you I think you should throw him for a loop and meet him in the lobby in your comfy fat pants and a tumbler full of tea in one hand......don't dawdle on testing how far a man will go for you
